Taking a Step Back!!

Today I am going to take a step back and look at how lucky I am!!

This afternoon I had a friend over I hadn't seen in a really long time.. How do you really try to talk and catch up with 3 crazy kids running around? Well I was just reminded that it isn't really all that easy. Within the 2 hours she was over I probably had to say hold that thought about 30x. Someone needs a drink..someone is hurt..someone wants a snack..sam is getting into the toilet..Mag wants me to watch her do something..Sam even had a cough attack so bad it was starting to scare me for a minute. (My boys are getting better but are still pretty sick:() I find myself on days like these feeling like a crazy woman. Please tell me I am not the only one out there that feels like this. Anyways come 7pm I lit 2 candles in remembrance of babies that had been lost. One to a good friend of mine from high school and one of my own. Not a full term baby but a miscarriage. To me it was still devastating. My story goes something like this. I am sure you all know Mag wasn't exactly planned. I mean who at the age of 19 plans on having a baby (when you are just starting college and engaged not married yet). Anyways she has been of course one of the best and happiest things to ever happen to me. When she was 2 or so we decided since we were married and had our lives in order and already in parenting mode why not now. We tried for a year unsuccessful went to the dr and I started taking fertility drugs and 6 months or so later got pregnant. What a relief I really thought the day would never come. I had been disappointed for so long it was such a relief to finally think I was pregnant. To make it even more of an exciting day my sister found out she was pregnant the same day as me. Wow. Well of course the happiness of my story comes to a screeching halt. I think I was only 7 or 8 weeks when I miscarried. Talk about devastating. It may sound silly to you because I guess I really didn't lose a baby it was more the loss of a dream and not knowing if it would happen for me again. We waited 6 more months and tried again. It was miserable. After the max amount of time on the fertility meds again we were going to try artificial insemination next. Turns out the one month I didn't use any medication or try to get pregnant it just happened. Then along came Mr. Connor and 9 months later (and with one ovary I had to have one removed while 7 weeks pregnant with Connor) I got pregnant with Sam. Without even trying. (Talk about a shocker) But I still to this day sometimes when I see my nephew Jack wonder what my baby he or she would have been like. Sometimes I think maybe god was trying to put me in my place and show me that you can't always just have everything you want when you want it. Everything in my life had always been so easy. Anyways my point to this whole long saga is that I really need to be taking a step back and seeing just how lucky I am and what a great life I really have. Sure there are crazy times but my kids have made me the person that I am now and being a mommy is who I am. The whole situation of wanting a baby so bad and not knowing if I was going to get one and then losing one has made me really appreciate the way a mother feels with the loss of a child and my heart goes out to all those parents tonight. I am counting my blessings.